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i have a weird relationship with time

everything is what it is right now

12 hours ago i was leaving for class. as soon as i got home though, i became completely oblivious to the fact that it ever happened (as always). it’s gone. was it really this very same day? was it really so recent? 12 measly hours? it seems like a lifetime ago. it’s so far removed from my present that it’s baffling. every time. there’s this great chasmic disconnect between the right now and the back then. i’m beginning to feel it for everything. i even feel this for where i was just 3~ hours ago. i was anxious, slightly blue, and sleepy. at the moment, i’m still sleepy but i have a really mellow glaze going on. anxiety dwindled into a faint whisper and imperceptible so long as i don’t make myself aware of it. 

and then i begin to ponder about how it will feel in my own future. i wonder what the distance will feel like to a decrepit old man looking back decades upon decades at some faded obscured and probably inaccurate memory frame of what he thinks “right now” was from whatever clues his feeble mind is able to cobble together

everything i feel reminds me of something i’ve felt before but that’s something i can’t even begin to verbalize i just need to empty myself because all these things start happening in my head and i have a hard time simply taking things as they are these days save for the rare, every-once-in-a-while occasion (i’m going in and out of it right now)

song
another
i love how the low end is nice and thick listen to that bassdrumthump